Judy is a punk

I got out of work on Friday at 6pm. I felt like warm shit. The ex picked me up and then we went to get the kids. He asked me about something he heard, I played stupid, I sat in shock all evening that the people around me are such gossip whores. How can a group of reasonably intelligent people in their mid to late twenties (and in some cases, their early thirties) so closely resemble a bunch of old women gabbing at the beauty parlor, or in less affluent and more crafty individuals, a sewing circle? How the fuck?

Well, the thing he heard was an allusion to the fact that I am currently knocked up. Yes, I am, and no I'm not going to have another child right now. I could explain all of the circumstances and justify it. I could tell you about what my goals are, my plans, etc. I will spare you that bullshit and just say that I've thought it through and I can tell you that its the right choice for me. I'm mostly at peace with this decision. I have my intermittent moments of upset. I have my moments of crying and my moments of considering the "what if" scenarios. I come back to a feeling of peace with my decision every time. I'm not even ashamed of it and I honestly don't mind sharing with the world at large because I think that it destigmatizes it and helps average people understand that women who make that choice are not bad people. They're simply women facing a tough personal decision who need support, not judgment. Anyway, I just don't want my ex to know. Not now, not ever.

So after I get home I get to relax some. Ex took the kids for the night, so I was going to meet up with my man. I got in the shower, fixed my hair, did my makeup and got dressed. I listened to a little music and longed to smoke a little pot. I hopped a bus downtown and met my sweetie at his restaurant. He's a waiter and was cut a little early, we got a little bud from a friend he works with and headed to his place. I asked him if he had let the cat out of the bag and he told me that he told his friend in confidence and that apparently this friend was running his mouth to my Ex's friend. Un-fucking-cool. I will have this guy's ass the next time I see him. No worries, though. I now know to keep my mouth shut in the future.

We went out for a little while to one of the more relaxed places on the strip. He wanted to stick around longer than I did (which is about par for the course where my boyfriend is concerned) and invited people over after. So I wasn't thrilled with this, but whatever, I'm a good sport. I know he's really sociable. It doesn't bother me. Its just a little irritating when he says that he just wants to spend some low key time together and that ends up morphing into bar hopping and after parties. So I knew this was happening tonight, but I just rolled with it. We ended up at the taco stand eating delicious tacos and talking with people who we knew. We got a ride back to his place and smoked out with them.

When we got back to his place he was somewhat fucked up. I laid in the bed and got comfortable while he said goodbye outside. I fell asleep. I woke up when he sat on the bed. He laid down and we laid close together, my head on his shoulder and his arm around me. I was dying to make love right then and there, but I vowed not to be so demanding tonight. I tried my best, I really did.

I had been craving his body for days. I know what it feels like to be pestered for sex, so I feel terrible that this has been the story as of late. I've been a terrible horn dog. I wanted to go down on him. I tried to but it was too much for him to handle. He wasn't really game, being tired and drunk and very stoned. He rubbed me off. I just wanted him inside me more than anything. I think that my body was in total shock, I've never felt that sensation before in my life. I was trying to relax, not feel so much like I was going to die from sexual starvation, taking deep breaths and trying to relax my quivering inner thighs. Every time I would breathe him in I would feel my legs start trembling and I would moan involuntarily.

I turned away from him and started feeling a little more like myself. He laid up against me and laid his hand on my side. Ripples of heat radiated from where he touched me. I was almost convulsing, my body was aching. I needed him. I had a very hard time communicating that I needed him to not touch me for fear that I would experience spontaneous combustion and char his lovely headboard and most deliciously comfortable bed. He laughed a little and remarked on how terribly horny I was, and I was, and he started kissing me. I think. It was all a blur of hormonal desire and me trying not to ravish him.

He ended up between my legs, licking me into a lather. He is amazing at the oral arts and he makes me come so hard, I can't even express it. Its overwhelming. Then when I couldn't take anymore he came up to face level and kissed me. I have never liked tasting myself but I'm glad to kiss him afterward. The way he tastes seems to go well with it, or something. His kisses are so perfectly compatible with mine. I felt him, hard, between my legs. I suppose he sobered up some. He tenderized my insides, turned me to jelly. I ended up on top at the end and feeling him coming inside me was a beautiful, tender feeling. It was so intense. We laid together and fell asleep. Sleeping so close to him and feeling his breath and presence is like heaven.