Heavy cross

Things are coming to a head. Well, they are for me, anyway. There is a duality happening with my relationship with G. He seems happy, tells me how unbelievably madly in love with me he is. I feel those things as well. I just also feel like there is a hunk of lead in my stomach right now. He still doesn't have a phone, which is getting to be more and more important. After what happened last night, well, I think I'm going to insist on it.

We had a night sans kiddos last night. We headed out, I ran into a girl I hadn't seen in many years, we had a good time and headed on home to his place. His old roommate was crashing at his house. Fine, I can deal with that. We laid down to go to sleep and we were laying close and comfortable, kissing a little and getting very turned on. All of a sudden the door opens and this girl, who is blathering about finding G and his friend, invites herself in. She says hello to me, tells G that she's been leaving him messages on his phone, calls me "G's Lady Friend" and they take the friend and leave. G confesses that I'm not the first married woman he dated and that this is a girl he dated some time ago. I ask if she still has a thing for him. He says that he doesn't know, that they haven't really talked in 6 months. But, I know he introduced us when we were out one night, and I was wholly unsuspecting of the history they had.

Now, I'm not stupid. I know why a woman comes over to her ex's house in the middle of the night. I've exhibited that sex seeking behavior more than a few times myself. I never did it when my ex was attached and I certainly didn't do it without calling first. I don't know how to feel about this. I think that she may be the reason that he asked me if I was leading him on. I really can't have random drunken ex-girlfriends of his barging in unannounced whenever they get the urge to see him. He didn't let his friend back in and didn't let her come in to use the restroom. He seemed irritated, he expressed that he needed to get some boundaries for himself and he said that he would in fact make a crummy roommate.

This was in contrast to what he had told me right before this disturbance. He told me that when he was at SXSW he ran into a different ex while he was there. She moved across the country and they couldn't keep it up over the distance. He was still pretty caught up on her shortly before we got involved. In fact, I asked him if he was still in love with her and I wanted to ask if I was a distraction from his feelings for her. He assured me at the time (a couple of months ago now) that he was falling hard for me. He told me last night that seeing her just affirmed his feelings for me. Then the whole drunken ex girlfriend fiasco took place.

I don't know what to think. I don't know how to feel. I know I need to talk to him about this stuff. I just don't know how to say it.